Posted by: Artandsoulnj | April 5, 2010

square pegs

(Note: Written on the road.)

Sun., 4.4.10

It seems this entire weekend is about ‘letting go’ as I find myself in the car most of the time without the ability to access the internet and post daily. Rather than add stress to what has evolved into an opportunity for ‘emotional spring cleaning’, I let go of the need to have this appear on the blog site and trust that my commitment to writing daily and posting every entry, even when it isn’t apparently going to show on the blog calendar as such, is enough.

After the weekend’s conversations and swirl of emotion, the question begging an answer is how much am I willing to surrender? Zack has stepped into his role as catalyst for the entire family beautifully as we each in our turn and our way come to grips with what he is mirroring or triggering for us.

Zack’s view of us — his dad, Len, me, and now his sister , Francesca who is about to graduate college, — is that all we do is work and rarely, if ever, play. In some respects, he’s right and so he is fiercely resisting growing up and losing the opportunity to play. What he doesn’t see how much we enjoy our what we do; we have found work that feeds our soul. His dad may be a bit more worn out after 30+ years in his line of work, the challenge and spark having worn thin for him, especially in this economic climate, but he is seeking to balance this with more exploration of things he enjoys.

In the past, I would actively engage all of this on an emotional level, trying to force a square peg into a round hole to ‘fix everything’. There are times that I still engage with the verbal sparring that shows up as I become defensive with points that could be well taken. In these instances, I am trying to fix things. And as I’ve learned by playing with Matrix Energetics, if you are trying to fix something, you are still engaged in the problem set. I am still learning to exercising the muscle of ‘letting go’ so it becomes totally subconscious, like driving.

Zack will learn by our example that work can provide an outlet for our passions, whether it’s directly or indirectly, as a means to be able to enjoy what we do. The timing of his maturing is segued beautifully with our own self examination and shifting of priorities.

It’s all a matter of perspective.

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