Posted by: Artandsoulnj | April 9, 2010

talking points

Thursday, 4.8.10

Earlier in the week, I mentioned that we had an emotional weekend with lots showing up for us when we went to Connecticut to celebrate Zack’s 17th birthday. Letting time pass to gain some perspective, and exploring some of the details of what I noticed throughout  the trip has lead to some pretty interesting insights as to just how much our subconscious talks to us. We are so often focused on the interpretation of our dreams that we don’t pay attention to the everyday details that show up in our lives when we are in the ‘waking’ state.

After we dropped Zack off at school we headed home to New Jersey. Len offered to drive, so I took a nap. When I woke up, I took out the knitting project I’d brought with me, since it seemed to be the only activity I could do without incurring car sickness. I was admittedly a bit groggy, since I’d fallen into such a deep sleep – the kind where your mouth is hanging open and you drool, although I wasn’t drooling, and so I was quiet. The knitting was a good distraction from my commenting on Len’s driving, which is a different style from my own and showed up as a source of irritation for us both this trip. This was exacerbated by Zack’s earning his driving permit and duplicating some driving ‘techniques’ he’d seen Len do, when he was home for spring break several weeks ago and I took him out to practice. Zack’s maneuvers were more exaggerated and I was understandably extremely nervous. While driving home last weekend, keeping my eyes on the work in my hands and not on the traffic or how Len was driving was a calming distraction for both Len and I.

Not much after I’d woken up, I felt Len braking hard and looked up to see a large cloud of dirt and dust in the road a few cars in front of us. No one was swerving and everyone seemed to be in control. It seemed like there was an accident taking place, except we heard no crash. As we’d slowed up, we drove past a young deer in the middle lane of the highway. It had been hit and seemed to be dead. A small red car had pulled over to the right shoulder, its front end pretty well smashed in. Someone on a motorcycle had stopped to help and no one seemed hurt. We continued on our way, a bit shaken, knowing that we’d only been seconds away from hitting the deer.

As we made our way through New York State, crossing the Tappan Zee bridge, we came across a young woman who’d had a tire blowout. Again, as we approached this, Len had to hit the brakes hard, again causing me to look up from the work in my hands. If we weren’t still moving at 40mph, I would have insisted Len stop so we could stay with  her until help arrived, but stopping wasn’t possible. It was difficult for me to say nothing as I kept thinking of our own daughter, Francesca, driving across the same bridge every time she comes home.

Within twenty minutes, and now in New Jersey, once again Len was riding the brake hard as traffic abruptly slowed down with clouds of dirt and dust once again rising up from the cars immediately ahead of us. This time, there was a van with a family, a part of a ‘caravan’ of several cars traveling together, that had driven up onto the right side shoulder. The embankment was so steep that the baggage in the rear of the van had crashed through the rear windshield, smashing it with bags falling to the ground.

Now we’ve made this trip A LOT in the past six months. I’ve made it at least 15 times in the past year, with both kids in school in Connecticut. I have never experienced one incident, much less three in such a short time span. I knew I needed to pay attention to this, that my subconscious, or the Universe, was talking to me and the volume was turned up high!

In telling my friend Elaine about all this, she posed an interesting question. She asked  how I would see these events, which were in fact connected, if it was a client coming to me with this experience. Since I had been so emotionally connected and invested in all that happened this past weekend, it would have taken more time to get to the core of this. Detaching in this way and going into the wisdom of my heart, I was able to step back and feel into what showed up.

I had to work backwards to get through it. What showed up first and seemed obvious from the new perspective was the family ‘baggage’ flying out the back window literally being our own family’s baggage that I was letting go of. Since I had been telling Elaine how I always packed our van when we went on vacation, it was clear that I was responsible for continuing to pack the baggage and it was time for me to let go of past issues.

The young woman on the bridge was then easy to see as our own daughter, poised to graduate college, move into her own apartment with her boyfriend, and start graduate school, which she is responsible for financing. Not stopping the car, acknowledging that the tire blowout was this young woman’s experience and I didn’t need to go to her rescue to make myself feel better was a critical turning point. The car was on a bridge – she’s crossing the bridge into adulthood – over the Hudson River (water = emotions) was the icing on the cake in this scene.

The first incident, which was the last I revisited, had much more emotional charge for me and I blocked accessing what it represented. To prod me, Elaine told me of her own experience hitting a deer while traveling. When she shared this with a medicine man she’d been working with at the time, he told her that nature is extremely wise. Very often animals who are sick or have a genetic defect and don’t want to pass it on to the herd will commit suicide. In the event of deer leaping across roadways, this seems to be the case, even though science has no way of proving it to be true.

The fear that rose up in my body around this was overwhelming since I knew that it’s related to Zack. He’s emotionally challenged and challenging right now.But I also know that he is in a place with lots of support and he is expected to take responsibility for his actions and behavior. He’s settled back into himself for the most part, except for academics which he is very capable of doing, but resists since he feels it doesn’t apply to ‘real life’. The deer was representing my need to let go of my fear for him.

The point of this blog is to demonstrate how what we’ve learned through our experience with Matrix Energetics shows up in my life.  Yes, it’s personal. And yes, there are a lot of details. But this shows up in your life, too, when you notice. Believe me, it’s all right there. These incidents are all symbolic, like our dreams. The bridge, luggage, young deer, are all archetypes – they are representing a conversation with my subconscious. And believe me, it’s hard not to pay attention!

What’s your subconscious telling you?

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