Posted by: Artandsoulnj | September 22, 2010

Taking Hold and Letting Go

I’m finding many parallels running in my personal and professional experiences since I first began this blog.  However it shows up, there doesn’t seem to be much of a difference in how I categorize what happens anymore as it all has blended together.

This Spring, our family was going through a major shift in perception, specifically surrounding Zack, 17, who seemed reluctant to step into responsibility for himself and his life. For anyone with kids, you know how frustrating and confusing this can be. Having lived my entire life taking on responsibility for everyone and everything around me (what I call ‘responsibility by default’), our behaviors were bouncing off of each other with no wiggle room for change. Zack was mirroring the polarity of my codependency pattern BIG TIME and the only way that this was going to shift was for me to totally surrender the pattern. This meant truly releasing him and my perception of him.

What exactly do I mean by that? It occurred to me after seeing the movie Inception for the second time that this is a great depiction of how our souls step into projections for each other in order to help out with the lesson plan. I knew this on a cerebral level, but having just been through letting go of Zack in May, I had a new reference point for this concept and a deeper understanding.

From my perspective,  Zack agreed on a soul level to help me learn what I needed (or wanted) to understand from the pattern of codependency. This involved understanding the origin of the beliefs that sprung up from the fear of the mental illness and addiction patterns that my mom carries, and  is seemingly in our genes, as well as letting go of the  beliefs that I went into agreement with. (For more info on soul contracts, check out The Seat of the Soul, by Gary Zukav.)

This is the taking hold and letting go: taking hold of the lesson learned and letting go of the pattern, fear, and beliefs.

I learned and understood at a very core level all that I believed, but I still held Zack in the projection of the role, not releasing him, or freeing him to move on.

I realized this when Francesca (Zack’s older sister) referred to Zack as her ‘little brother’. Knowing what I have learned in my Matrix Energetics training, (the split screen experiment), the observer affects the observed.

Since I was holding Zack as a little boy as my reference point for him, I was restricting him to this projection I’d created for my lessons and experiences.

In order for Zack to fully step into himself, and be free of that role, we had to take hold of him in a larger way. We had to take hold of Zack at his current age and the potential that he holds for his future, and let go of holding him in our thoughts as a little boy.

The Hyde School, where Zack is currently enrolled mandates that character is as important as academics. When a student is enrolled in Hyde, the entire family is enrolled. Since children grow up in a family system or unit, they subconsciously learn behaviors and patterns from their family members, particularly their parents, as a way to be loved and safe. Parents are required to participate in workshops and programs that look at what ‘programs’ and patterns we are running both consciously and unconsciously, so we can let go of what no longer serves anyone. As parents ‘work on their stuff’, the child will shift and begin to be able to take responsibility for themselves. The fact that once I let go of Zack, he stepped into himself in a big way.

For me, this reinforces that the only way any one of us can hope to create any change in our worlds is to create the change in ourselves.

Zack prepares to take hold of the zip line and step off of (let go) the platform in North Carolina last month.

While this may seem far from ‘living Matrix Energetics’, it’s exactly the same. ‘Taking hold and letting go’ is very much what Richard Bartlett talks about when he teaches all things Matrix: ‘drop down (into the heart) and let go’. Allowing ourselves to be the ‘pebble in the pond’, letting go or detaching from the outcome or ripples and simply observe what happens, what is different, is powerful beyond description.

And so my worlds have merged completely.



The Physics of Miracles by Richard Bartlett

The Field by Lynne McTaggart

The Biggest Job by Laura & Malcolm Gauld


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